Category Archives: Professional Cyclists

Whether 20 Years Old or 90 Years Old, You Can Always Count On A Bicyclist To Dope

Posted on January 7, 2019 by Falco

[Deadspin] Last July, 90-year-old cyclist Carl Grove was the lone competitor in his age group at the U.S. Masters Track Championships, where he set an age-group world record in the individual pursuit with a time of 3:06:129. Sadly, Grove subsequently … Continue reading →

Posted in Drugs, Professional Cyclists | Tagged bicycle, bicycles, bicyclist, bicyclists, bike, bikes, cycling, cyclist, cyclists | 2 Comments

The Best Bicycle Crash Of All Time Is Here, So The Rest Of You Might As Well Stop Bicycling (Seriously, Stop)

Posted on August 12, 2015 by Falco

Yeah, I know. I’m late on this one. Continue reading →

Posted in Professional Cyclists, Stupidity | Tagged bicycle, bicycles, bicyclist, bicyclists, bike, bike races, Bike War, biker, bikers, bikes, biking, cycling, cyclist, cyclists, darwinism, natural selection, professional cyclists, road warrior, Utah, videos | 6 Comments

Lance Armstrong Gives His Bicyclist Detractors A Giant Middle Finger, Says If He Could Go Back In Time He’d Cheat All Over Again

Posted on January 26, 2015 by Falco

[BBC] Shamed cyclist Lance Armstrong believes the time is coming when he should be forgiven for doping and lying – and told the BBC he would probably do it again. Armstrong, 43, was stripped of his record seven Tour de France … Continue reading →

Posted in Professional Cyclists | Tagged bicycle, bicycles, bicyclist, bicyclists, bike, Bike War, biker, bikers, bikes, biking, cycling, cyclist, cyclists, heroes, Lance Armstrong, savages, Tour de France | 3 Comments

Wanna See A Slapfight Between Two Professional Cyclists? Of Course You Do

Posted on September 8, 2014 by Falco

[Deadspin] Man, if there was evidence that cyclists are not really ’bout that life, this incredibly weak slapfest between Ivan Rovny and Gianluca Brambilla during the 16th stage of the Vuelta a España is it. Are they swatting at flies … Continue reading →

Posted in Professional Cyclists | Tagged bicycle, bicycles, bicyclist, bicyclists, bike, biker, bikers, bikes, biking, crybabies, cycling, cyclist, cyclists, darwinism, disappointments, idiots, Lance Armstrong, natural selection, road warrior, savages, stupid twats, Tour de France | 1 Comment

Six Bicyclists Are In The Hospital Because They Accidentally Drank Laundry Detergent Before A Race And No I Am Not Making That Up

Posted on August 29, 2014 by Falco

[Deadspin] Six cyclists preparing to start a race in Østlendingen, Norway, were hospitalized today after they all drank laundry detergent, believing it to be some kind of sports drink. They are all fine, so it’s OK to laugh. The town’s … Continue reading →

Posted in Professional Cyclists, Stupidity | Tagged Norway | 1 Comment

I’ve Always Known That Bicyclists Are Disgusting, Filth-Spewing Piss Monsters, And Now I Have Video Proof

Posted on July 25, 2014 by Falco

[Deadspin] This is a thing that distance bike riders do all the time, but rarely are we lucky enough to catch the magic that is the mid-race piss on camera. The rider, Niki Terpstra from the Omega-Pharma Quick Step team, gets … Continue reading →

Posted in Professional Cyclists | Tagged bicycle, bicycles, bicyclist, bicyclists, bike, biker, bikers, bikes, biking, cycling, cyclist, cyclists, darwinism, disappointments, idiots, natural selection, road warrior, savages, stupid twats, Tour de France, vagabonds | 3 Comments

Avenging Angel Lance Armstrong Continues To Blaze A Path For Champions Of Truth And Justice Everywhere

Posted on December 12, 2013 by Falco

[ESPN] Lance Armstrong acknowledges he hasn’t been the nicest guy in the world, but he says if he had to do it over again, he would still dope because everyone else in cycling was doping too. “I knew what my competitors … Continue reading →

Posted in Professional Cyclists | Tagged bicycle, bicyclist, bike, biker, biking, cycling, cyclist, drugs, heroes, Lance Armstrong, stupid twats, Tour de France | 2 Comments

This Asshole Wants To Spread Bicycling In The UAE, Which, Good Luck With That

Posted on November 26, 2013 by Falco

[Sport 360] After scaling the heights of his profession, Spanish cyclist Samuel Sanchez is planning on devoting his energies to the growth of his sport in the Middle East. Sanchez, the gold medallist in the 2008 Olympics men’s road race, … Continue reading →

Posted in Professional Cyclists, Stupidity | Tagged bicycle, bicyclist, bike, biker, biking, cycling, cyclist, darwinism, Dubai, idiots, natural selection, road warrior, savages, stupid twats, Tour de France, UAE, vagabonds | 1 Comment

Is American Hero Lance Armstrong Secretly Trolling Around The UK Pissing Off Bicyclists By Shattering All Of Their Records?

Posted on October 16, 2013 by Falco

[The Telegraph] A mysterious cyclist has been stalking the Home Counties over the last week, putting in staggering performances which have knocked professional cyclists off the top spots on Strava leagues of the most popular climbs surrounding London. “J P”, … Continue reading →

Posted in Professional Cyclists | Tagged bicycle, bicyclist, bike, biker, biking, convict scum, cycling, cyclist, darwinism, England, heroes, idiots, Lance Armstrong, natural selection, road warrior, savages, stupid twats | 1 Comment

That Bicyclist With The Possibly-Bullshit Backstory Just Won The Tour De France Which Means The Betting Is Now Open On How Long It Will Be Before He Has To Vacate The Title

Posted on July 22, 2013 by Falco

So that Chris Froome alien just won the Tour de France, which I have to say I’m pretty thrilled about. I mean I feel like it’s been almost a whole week since the last major bicycling scandal, so the fact … Continue reading →

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