Author Archives: Falco

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.

I Decided To Research What Bicyclists Eat And What I Found Was Horrifying

Frankly, the words “malt loaf” made me gag a little right off the bat, but I decided to be open minded. I stifled my vomit and forged ahead, determined to see what exactly bicyclists are stuffing into their bodies. Continue reading

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81-Year-Old Bicyclist Rides Past Airport, Promptly Gets Blown the Fuck Away by Jet Engine

[Sacramento Bee] An 81-year-old bicyclist is suing San Luis Obispo Regional Airport and the county after he says he was blown off his recumbent bicycle by the engine blast of a departing jet. A complaint filed in San Luis Obispo … Continue reading

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Idiot Bicyclist Can’t Even Get The Old “Flaming Dog Poop On The Doorstep” Gag Right

[Winchester News Gazette] A Ring doorbell camera captured a bicyclist starting a fire outside her neighbor`s door before leaving the scene. — You probably think I’m going to say it’s bad to go around lighting fires on doorsteps. And don’t … Continue reading

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Whether 20 Years Old or 90 Years Old, You Can Always Count On A Bicyclist To Dope

[Deadspin] Last July, 90-year-old cyclist Carl Grove was the lone competitor in his age group at the U.S. Masters Track Championships, where he set an age-group world record in the individual pursuit with a time of 3:06:129. Sadly, Grove subsequently … Continue reading

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Bicyclists Are Just Out There Punching Buses Now

[York Mix] A cyclist punched and smashed a bus window as it went through York city centre. Now police have released a CCTV image of a man they want to talk to about the incident. At about 5pm on December … Continue reading

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Bicyclist Armed With Switchblade Blocks Intersection Doing Wheelies On A Stolen Bike In A Story Straight Out Of Bicyclist MadLibs

[MassLive] As Worcester police continue to combat swerving, the act of riding a bicycle in front of moving traffic, a 22-year-old was arrested over the weekend after a group rode in circles downtown. An officer was on his way to work … Continue reading

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Watching A Bicyclist Get His Brains Bashed In By A Railroad Barrier Made Me Smile On This Rainy Thursday

Update: Maynooth services operating up to 30 mins late due level crossing damage caused by a cyclist. Pls heed #warningsignals & #bikesafety — Iarnród Éireann (@IrishRail) October 25, 2017 [Leinster Leader] Delays were reported to Maynooth rail lines this afternoon, after a … Continue reading

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