Anyone who lives in a major city will tell you that bicyclists are the worst people in the entire world. They block traffic. They don’t obey traffic laws. They behave like they’re auditioning for a spot on Team USA in the Being-A-Dick Olympics 100% of the time. Every time I hear a bicyclist say the words “share the road,” it takes a solid two years off my life. Since I’m sick of hearing them act like self-entitled assholes, I’ve made it my mission to highlight every instance of a bicyclist acting like a dick that I can find. Enjoy.

PS. This is a satire/humor site, you idiots.


112 Responses to About

  1. Emily says:

    I live in West Sonoma County, about an hour drive north of San Francisco, and over the past 10 years I have seen a dramatic increase not only in the sheer number of cyclists, but also in their increasing arrogance, aggression, and entitled attitude toward those around them.
    Up until recently, I waitressed at a small café deep in the heart of wine country and as a result I can assure you that I waited on my fair share of rude, self absorbed snobs, but in my experience cyclists were by far the worst.

    Every weekend they would come in droves, mostly from San Francisco, to swill wine, clog up our roads, and make my life and my coworker’s lives miserable.
    It would start by cyclists blocking the sidewalk and entrance to our restaurant with their bikes, often times helping themselves to our gated side alley to store their equipment. Then they would come in reeking of BO (I don’t know why it seems like so few every grasped the concept of deodorant) and proceed to tear up our hardwood floors with their bicycle cleats. They never would wait to be seated but would instead make their way through our restaurant and plop themselves down at two or three of our biggest tables. Next, about half of them would make their way to the one bathroom and proceed to reek havoc on our plumbing system (the bumpy roads must really do a number on their digestive tracks). Now the fun part. Whoever had the misfortune of waiting on these charming and endlessly polite people would have half of their tables taken up by a group who ordered little, yet somehow required more attention than any other table. Tasks would include filling up water and coffee cups constantly, going back to the kitchen to request special gluten free and or vegan substitutions, and all the while taking orders from a group of people who never smile, never say thank you and generally make it clear that you are not a person and therefore don’t deserve to be treated with dignity or respect. After staying for an hour or more, the fun would end by being asked to fill up 10 water bottles, some with ice some without, and being asked to retrieve bikes from the alley they were never authorized to use in the first place…and yes, this actually happened often. If this wasn’t bad enough, almost without fail, you would go to clear their table, after they finally road off presumably to torture some other wait person, only to find that all you were left was a couple sweaty dollar bills or nothing at all as a tip…and again, yes, this happened all the time.

    My final thoughts are these. The bicyclists I dealt with at my job and continue to deal with in my day to day life never fail to amaze me with their disgustingly holier than thou attitude, looking through you and not at you, demanding rather than asking, and all the while with that smug look on their face that perfectly conveys how they truly know that they are better and deserve more than the people around them.

    For those of you who are cyclists and claim not to know why people resent you, I hope this opens your eyes to why that might be.

    • Viking says:

      Just the other day, my daughter was pulling her car into our driveway, when down the street comes a phalanx of Lance Armstrong wannabees. Well, she turned in front of them, not really that close to them, so I suppose they had to apply their brakes for a couple of seconds to slow down. The rode off, then two of these clowns rounded the block and came back to confront her, as if she had run over one of them or knocked them off their bike, neither of which even came close to happening. So there they are, two older spandex-clad clowns yelling and screaming at her, making absolute assholes of themselves. Typical narcissitic, entitled pricks that the cyclers are these days. Lucky for them, I wasn’t there at the time, although my quick-witted daughter did exclaim to them: “the only crime being committed here is you wearing spandex.” The two buffoons had nothing more to say, and just rode off. Shitstains.

  2. jen says:

    you’re an asshole and i bet your fat

  3. John Briggs says:

    Get a fucking life you sad twat.

  4. Jon says:

    After living in Seattle thus past year, my view of cyclists couldn’t be worse. Yes, I see asshole drivers and cyclists alike. And yes there are non-asshole cyclists. These I can usually spot right off as the bike commuter in his rain gear, the college kid who can’t afford a car, or as couple out for a ride. The asshole cyclist is likewise easy to spot, solo or in a pack, he’s on an machine that cost as much as my motorcycle and sporting every bit of spandex possible. He has his own bike lane, that he doesn’t have to pay for any form of license or registration to use, but the rest of the road belongs to him too and he is entitled to have the right of way anywhere. As a matter of fact, he’ll use the sidewalks and crosswalks too. Red lights don’t apply to him. Signals? Keep dreaming. When he gets honked at for running a light and almost causing a 3 car accident, he casually flips them the bird. Or he chases the car down and starts yelling in their window. Driver or rider, we are all familiar with this guy and we see him altogether too much. I have seen motorcyclists grab this guy and shove him into parked cars twice now, and I have to admit I feel like my team just scored a touchdown.

  5. Cam says:

    I fucking hate them. I was walking on the right shoulder of the bike lane tonight with my child in a stroller because there literally is no other path besides the street. Some bitch on a bike in the left passing lane started yelling at me and I told her if she didn’t keep it moving I would put my foot up her ass and throw her off her seat. Elitist asshole.

  6. I’m a cyclist because my car was wrecked 13 years ago by a stupid car driver. I’m unemployed and before that was working at a low-paying non-profit job, and after 11 years they expanded but eliminated my job and I was laid off. After perusing your site, I have come to the conclusion that I should hate myself because I’m a stupid cyclist who is not smart or rich enough to have got a new car. I suppose I could walk everywhere, but that would take forever, and someone has to fill the role of asshole cyclist. P.S. I’m kidding as well as you are. Feel free to call me stupid as long as you check out and follow my site.

  7. George says:

    When I was young and used to work at a small family run coffee store in Long Island every other weekend a swath of 10-15 latex wearing assholes would barge in, pushing customers aside waiting in line to pay, and steal the self serve coffee without paying. Every single one, every time. And it was only like 89 cents a cup, free refills. My hate for them built up so much over the months I wouldve beat them with a pipe and broken their knees out back if the boss/owner didnt tell me to just let it go.

  8. Jim McJim says:

    This site needs more updates. It’s been far too long since the last one. These people are the worst.

  9. MaddMedic says:

    This is great. Love how you bring out the best in those whom think two wheels are better then 4..They are, if they have a nice large V-Twin powering them!!! Human powered 2 wheel vehicles? Targets..Don’t get me wrong. I love bicycling, on trails, not roadways where tons of metal can run your ass over if you do something stupid..Which many bicyclists do often.

  10. matt ruf says:

    I have seen so many accidents happen due to bikers being in the road. the last one I saw was not between a car and a cycle, but instead a car on car accident, caused by yielding to the cyclist. As police started to show up I notice the biker wisk away from the scene of twisted steel and carnage as light and as arrogant as when he ran the light to cause this accident. sickening.

  11. Cleetus says:

    They actually think they’re top shit. They’re fucking weird and fuck they are annoying.

  12. Brandi M says:

    I live out in the country/small town and these quazi-hippies will ride out in front of you and expect YOU to move heaven n hell to not hit them, and never mind the 8 ft of PAVED shoulder on a busy FM road that they have!!! Self absorbed pampered pricks,and I am a nice person!!! Assholes

  13. JJ says:

    Hopefully this site is still active and read. I live in NYC, Manhattan to be exact and let me tell you, I would be proud to say that Manhattan has, without a doubt, the worst, most obnoxious, entitled, careless, selfish, dickheadedist bicyclists anywhere. Hands down.
    Just this morning, walking my dog, I cross the street WITH the walk light. There was a big box truck stopped at the light, I clook as I go that he’s not moving and then a quick check left to make sure some asshole drive isn’t trying to back into a one way street (I’ve seen it) and to make sure no ‘bicyclist’ is coming in the wrong way either. As I approach the curb and reaching the far side of the box truck, here comes this person on a bike, straight down the street between the box truck and the parked cars on the right side of the road. She passed right in front of me, nearly clipped me, and I mean missed me by maybe a foot. I yelled ‘jesus christ asshole it’s a red light’.
    She jumped off her bike, screaming like a madwoman. Now mind you 1) she was on here phone and rode through the crosswalk and on her way into the intersection and 2) initially I believe I scared the shit outta her. She turns to me, still holding her phone to her head and screamed some more at me. Then, as is customary with angry bicyclists (but then aren’t they always) she yelled ‘Fuck You’ to me. Of course, as they say, …when in Rome… so I yelled it right back to her, and told he she just ran a red light. Well more FU’s followed, kinda like a tennis match, we volleyed fuck you’s back and forth, her screaming like a madwoman. She made me laugh though when she said she was gonna call the police. I walked away, told her that I hoped she gets hit by a car and that was the last of it.
    I can tell you that this happens at least once a day, either walking my dog or out walking with my 2 year old daughter. In fact a very similar incident occurred, this time with a male rider and his comment to me was that he didn’t hit us so what’s the problem. To him and all the others like him and the madwoman, I hope you get hit by a car. Soon. And they back up and hit you again,

  14. David Lyga says:

    New Yorker JJ: You have not visited Philadelphia! There, cyclists are worshiped and can NEVER do wrong. At least New Yorkers ‘don’t stand for shit’, but in Philadelphia, they worship the cyclist. THAT, ALONE is why Philadelphia is a dirtbag city. Stupid beyond compare and they allow these asshole cyclists to dominate everything trafficwise.

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