About

Anyone who lives in a major city will tell you that bicyclists are the worst people in the entire world. They block traffic. They don’t obey traffic laws. They behave like they’re auditioning for a spot on Team USA in the Being-A-Dick Olympics 100% of the time. Every time I hear a bicyclist say the words “share the road,” it takes a solid two years off my life. Since I’m sick of hearing them act like self-entitled assholes, I’ve made it my mission to highlight every instance of a bicyclist acting like a dick that I can find. Enjoy.

PS. This is a humor site, you idiots.

82 Responses to About

  1. fu says:

    Anyone who lives in a major city will tell you that drivers are the worst people in the entire world. They block traffic. They don’t obey traffic laws. They behave like they’re auditioning for a spot in Nascar in the Being-A-Dick 500 100% of the time. Every time I hear a driver say the words “bikers are self-entitled assholes,” it takes a solid two years off my life. Since I’m sick of hearing them act like self-entitled assholes, I’ve made it my mission to highlight every instance of a car driver acting like a dick that I can find. Enjoy.

    • Falco says:

      See, this is exactly what I’m talking about. Bicyclists can’t do anything for themselves. Can’t even write up a decent retort. Just gotta mooch off of society. Couldn’t have highlighted that any better if I tried.

      • brulionman says:

        fu just challenged your arguments with your own lie-style-strategy weapon ;P
        this blog was wasting time, till now.

      • BikeFaggotfuckyouasswipe says:

        I think you’re just mad because you’ve been bred into a society of lazy fucks who thinks that they really NEED to jump in a machine that helps destroy valuable resources, air quality, kills around 300,000 people (worldwide) a year and furthers their own obesity just to get somewhere within 10 miles of their house. I completely understand the role automobiles play in commerce and getting people to work so they don’t have to live inside the city because they live >20 miles away, but fuck everyone else. Seriously. I hope gas prices go up to $50 dollars a gallon you lazy cunts. I have no sympathy for your entitled dick-waving about you and your cars. You can’t call bikers entitled because we actually work to be on the road. Real, physical work; not masturbating in the office to kill 5 minutes before your fucking lunch break so you can make the money to continue to put gas into a machine that carries you as if you’re a fucking helpless infant and takes no physical exertion whatsoever, and actually makes you less aware of the road which is why you people die and kill pedestrians by the hundreds every day. You fuck. I MAD.

      • Falco says:

        OH YOU MAD

      • lifeisbutadream@email.com says:

        So…I just encountered an ANGRY cyclist today. I wasn’t even close to hitting the guy but apparently he was so “fearful” for his life that he had time to catch up to my car to throw some f-bombs! Wow really? And stop acting like bikes are cars. They’re not! If you’re going to choose to drive a vehicle that’s riskier on the road then you should be more careful and not because it is the right thing to do but because it is a SMART thing to do.

    • scott says:

      Amen..I am the true root of all evil on the road. Not only do I cycle but I am a truck driver too . So I live my life around dick head car drivers all day long

    • oi101 says:

      i wanna try out for the Nascar in the Being-A-Dick 500, and i would also if it wasn’t for those spandex loving red light runners!

  2. Sam Johnson says:

    Can I send you a response to an article I just read about bikers? I feel that it’s important to share it with you.

  3. UrbanEngineer says:

    Your blog has been a good addition to my daily read, but I haven’t read a new article in quite a bit. Hope the frequency of posts gets back up to what it once was. Let me know if you need material. There’s plenty of it out there

  4. gcobb1990 says:

    Man, I feel really uneasy reading this. I’m not trying to start something. Believe me, as an avid rider of two wheeled machines, I know there are some asshole bicyclists out there. But I imagine you as well as everyone else has witnessed asshole drivers as well. We know asshole white people and asshole black people, asshole Christians and asshole Jews. I’m not trying to say that everyone is an asshole but refine your statements please. As someone who grew up as a kid enjoying riding my bike around my neighborhood in the summer, I would hate to be included in your claim that “bicyclists are the worst people in the entire world.” I am incapable of understanding such a general claim. Please, direct your hatred towards specific people who are the only ones responsible for their actions. If a bicyclist does something douchey, be mad at them because he or she is a douche, not because of their sport, hobby, exercise, or transportation. I imagine most of these cyclists are white and yet you make no generalization against white people. I imagine many of them have shaved legs or wear spandex and yet those factors are ignored. Maybe the bike has nothing to do with it but they are actually assholes because of the eternal wedgie from wearing spandex. Who knows? It’s equally justifiable. Please, I hope my time wasn’t wasted here.

  5. jim says:

    Haters gonna hate. Faggot.

  6. Hoboken411 says:

    Hey Falco – you need an email address! Here’s a story I did on our “bike friendly city”
    http://hoboken411.com/archives/93698

  7. Pulp says:

    This blog is awesome. NYCer here and I think bikes and bikers are the shittiest thing to happen to my city since the automobile. Bikes are an identity, not a form of transit.

  8. Bill Perkins says:

    I ride almost every day. I laughed until it hurt reading this. Seriously good writing.

  9. eellis10 says:

    I bet you’ll love this guy:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/jamesbondsv/with/9042607121/

    The title of his photo stream should be “How to piss off the citizens of Chicago enough to elect a Republican mayor”.

  10. John Hudson says:

    This is the greatest, most awesomely funny stuff I have ever come across. You can seriously write, man. Please keep up the great work.

  11. I love this blog, cyclists are selfish, elitist ASSHOLES. Giving them equal status with cars was the worst thing the great state of Texas has ever done. Hogging the road, slowing everything down. Running Stop signs, not signalling. Our frumpy mayor has now decided to close certain streets to auto traffic to encourage more walking and biking. This is why I live in the suburbs.

  12. Vicki says:

    Think these jerks are bad in the city? They’re worse out in the country. Our roads are their personal bike trails, They drive in to our community, sometimes with hundreds of riders. I’ve been yelled at taking a walk on my road because I didn’t jump out of the way on a number of occasions. A woman who lives in a small town west of me told me of a time the community woke up to find signs posted all over town. Seems these entitled jerks decided to have a huge rally in their community, didn’t bother to let anyone know. The other day I walked outside, listening to the birds, when a few spandex’d idiots rode by shouting at each other. Hard to drive around them here, our roads are hilly and curved. They don’t seem to get that they are invading communities, it’s their bike trail and the community members have to stay out of their way. It’s like an infestation of spandex. There has to be lobbying to control this. They make our community a worse place. They should have to register to ride in large groups, pay some sort of fee. They need to move to the side when cars approach on non passing roads. These aren’t commuters. The ones that ride here don’t live here. Their argument is the roads are public.. OK. How would they like a group of obnoxious people practicing their hobby in the public areas in front of their homes?

  13. Tom says:

    I love how cyclists seem to think they are saving the earth just by riding on the weekend in their costumes. The cyclists in my city all ride around like dicks in weekend blowing through red lights and stop signs. I have had to put my car into the median more than once because a group of wannabes come flying through a red light. Then they all pedal home hang their bikes next to the Land Rover or Tahoe they drive 5 days a week and they feel better. Our city has even put I dedicated cycling route that are nearly empty…because you can’t be a smug a-hole if no one is around to see you.

  14. Al says:

    I think we could be best friends hahaha, this is the best site since mulletsgalore.com

  15. I ride my bike regularly and find most drivers to be courteous and considerate. I also try to be courteous and considerate back. The world you describe seems at odds with my experience. I’m sorry that whatever happened was so bad you would spend valuable time on this blog.

  16. Cherokee S. says:

    I rode my bike past your house today. Twice! I did it because I could.

  17. eellis10 says:

    So, I haven’t visited your blog in a long time. Then this morning I found some comment notifications and stopped in to look at the new material. Then later in the day this happens:

    I’m driving back from the gym and I get stopped by a city worker who is directing traffic out of a parking lot for the Cubs game. After the traffic passes through she doesn’t give me any signal to go. Should I go? There’s no more traffic. Still no signal. So I go (and incidentally she was doing a lousy job. Those people aren’t supposed to leave you guessing). As soon as I start moving I hear an angry, and very lame I might add, volley of bell rings from behind me. I look in the rear view mirror and see some 65 year-old salt and pepper bearded Woodstock Hippie Generation guy in spandex on his bike. Now he didn’t come anywhere close to being hit. He just didn’t like the fact that he was inconvenienced by having to slow down a little rapidly. Also keep in mind there was no bike lane here. He called me a name and told me to watch where I was going. I then told him to shove the bicycle bell in his ass. Then he spit on my gym bag through the open passenger window and kept going. I followed him closely for a couple blocks but then ran into stopped traffic from the Cubs game. He continued sailing through the stopped traffic ringing his bell continuously while weaving around stopped cars. I thought about getting out of the car and chasing him down on foot as I can run fast and it would obviously have been easy to kick his ass. But I have been through that before, and kicking his ass would not have been worth going to jail, and you know he would have called the cops like a pussy. Besides my gym bag has way more nasty stuff on it then a little spit. So what did he really accomplish besides making himself look stupid.

    The thing about all this is: if a bike gets into an accident with a car the car wins every time. Maybe the driver gets a scratch on his fender. But the biker, if he lives, has his body shattered. There’s no getting around this reality. You can yap all you want about bikers’ rights. But if some guy passes a hot girl on the street and his head turns around and you sail right out in front of his car on a bike like you own the world you the one who gets crushed. Bikers really can’t expect the world to bend to their wishes, because people mess up. People are always going to mess up and expecting otherwise is ludicrous fantasy.

    I didn’t care about this guy today. If he had just continued past me after I saw he was there that would have been the end of it. But he wanted to turn it into something. Then instead of handling the situation he created like a man by stopping, he sailed away on his bike ringing that bell at other people like a pussy. These are the people who give bikers a bad name and who gave birth to your blog.

    Keep up the good work.

  18. Turgius says:

    Just found your blog and it brings a tear of joy to my eyes. Bicyclists on our roads are a bane to civilized society. Denver and it’s surroundings are overrun with the arrogant pricks. Keep up the good work.

  19. Pedestrian With No Toes says:

    My new favorite site. I can’t tell you how much enjoyed the hate. Or maybe I can… Loved it.
    Proposed: California’s Three-Foot Safety Rule should be applied to bikes on sidewalks for pedestrian safety. And no riding on the grass.

  20. xarig says:

    I’m pretty sure that the guy who writes this shit is fat,lazy and he uses his car to go to the toilet

    • Falco says:

      Joke’s on you, the contractors couldn’t figure out how to make my bathroom door wide enough to drive through.

    • eellis10 says:

      So look xarig, Falco hardly needs me to defend him. But I want to chime in here. Why is it that if someone says something about bicycle crazies that they are called fat and out of shape? If you read my comment above you will note that I was on the way back from the gym when I got into it with one of your bunch. I lift weights, play basketball, box and run fast enough to place highly in 5K races. There are other ways to stay in shape besides riding a bike, and those ways don’t involve being a snot to the rest of humanity.

    • bobcobb says:

      Hope you get run over you prick.

    • bobcobb says:

      You play with yourself because you can’t get any.

  21. Skot Rockit says:

    Absolutely love this! Thank you! The picture is perfect!

  22. Cyclists aren’t as bad as drivers who have their music blaring and aren’t concentrating on the road ahead. The amount of drivers that fail to give way to me and pull out on me is too damn high. Shame your dad didn’t pull out.

  23. I see the typical cyclists response on here. if they got their head out of their arsehole (mainly to see where they are cycling) they would realise this. the typical comeback of them is “oh but motorists are worse they do..” bullshit or say “drivers dont give me room” well my reply to that is “dont cycle like a total dick weaving in and out.. undertaking and actually have lights on your bike at night and lights that work so you can be seen” the other trouble with them they are like the left wing you cant reason with them and they hunt in groups. not to say some motorists behave like idiots but when is the last time you seen a car driver run a red light, drive without lights in the dark or on the footpath?

    BTW I do cycle to work but I wait in traffic (unless its too much then i DISMOUNT and walk) I stop at red lights and have working lights on my bike. however im not one of these uptight arseholes because frankly i share you views on them. its funny because when i cycle like a gentleman and signal when I want to turn right (i live in the uk so its left hand roads) when the driver flashes me to let me though i always make sure i give them a tumbs up to say thank you, weirdly enough if every other cyclist had manners like this you wouldnt need to vend your anger on these arseholes.

  24. Fox says:

    You will have to admit. Bycylcest that you meet that are in their racing gear are not nice people. The outcome of Lance Armstrong has not helped them. Lance is a perfect example of the Austin, Texas weird. If byceclest were not shitheads to motorist they would not be called shitheads. Really guys. Stop and think about it. You see more riders breaking the law than drivers. Bycyclest drive cars too. Its your attitude. You get treated the way you do for a reason. If your a shithead. Your going to get the same response. You can’t polish a turd.

  25. You aren’t funny mate. You’re obnoxious

  26. Kungfukenny says:

    I do a ton of miles in my car every year and totally agree there’s plenty of cyclists out there that should get a serious talking to by the law or even fined same way I would in the car for say jumping a red light.

    Then there’s the angry cyclists (not angry cyclists …. angry people). I’ve raced and cycled just as something that’s kept me in shape and a sport I’ve enjoyed over the years, you should try it, does wonders keeping me a sane and balanced person 🙂

    Although there’s one rider I’ll no longer train with purely because the guy is a prize dick and you could be sure of about 3-4 outbursts at other road users every single training run and this is a theme for his whole life not just when he jumps on a bike.

    If there are any arseholes they’re not just cyclist arseholes but the same arsehole road users who’ll tailgate and cut you or me up while we’re driving. Or even the same arseholes who’ll pick a fight in a bar, or make your work life hell.

    Some people need to take stock of their lives.

    If all it takes is a simple or sometimes minor miss-judgement by another human for you to lose your shit, or write a huge blog (because there needs to be a passion to write a blog at this level). Then you’re either having a really bad day or your entire life must really suck balls and in the words of the great Mr T …. I pity the fool!

    You’ve clearly got a talent for writing, you should write a blog about car drivers being dicks but then you might need to payroll quite a few staff to churn that much material out.

    Adios dude 🙂 I’m off to chill with a couple of beers in my non hate fueled life lol

  27. Pingback: 13 très bonnes raison de détester les cyclistes | NUIPAS. UN SITIO DIVERTIDO

  28. PAB says:

    Hey guys check us out on instagram at people_against_biking
    We need to help the bikers get over their addiction.

  29. Patrick Moore says:

    I commute daily, by bike, 18 miles (round trip), between home and work. I have been doing this for over 5 years now. I can safely say that most bicyclists are assholes. I am trying not to be, by following the rules of the road, but I am in the minority, sad to say.

    I live in Seattle, and that may also be a factor.

  30. Captain Fever says:

    Yes people that drive cars are shit but cyclists are just fkn gay. What kind of poofta gets inspired to wake up at 5am and put on tight fluro lycra and ride 50km along a highway?

    • bicyclebill2000 says:

      Captain Fever — If you have to ask that question, you would never understand the answer anyway.

    • bicyclebill2000 says:

      And now that the fall season is upon us, “what kind of poofta gets inspired to wake up at 5 AM and put on tight fluro (BTW, the word is spelled “fluoro”, from the word “fluorescent”) lycra and ride 50 km along a highway?”

      Oh, probably the same sort of poofta who, at least in America, will get up before dawn, dress in camouflage clothing, and go out to hide in the weeds near an area where he has already set out a couple dozen rubber duckies in order to wait until daylight to try to blast real ducks out of the sky.

      Or the type of poofta who will again dress in camouflage, douse himself with deer piss, and go out into the woods before daybreak so he can perch in a tree with a bow and arrow and make believe he’s a great hunter providing his family with life-sustaining venison.

      • Captain Fever says:

        I don’t encounter duck or deer hunters here. I do encounter lots of cyclists though, and they’re the gayest cunts.

        Keep shaving your legs billy.

      • Bourbonfueledradcunt says:

        It’s actually spelt “fluro”, Google that shit.

  31. Losing my patience says:

    I’m in Boston, and I do a lot of recreational walking at the Fenway and the Esplanade. Twice in recent weeks I’ve been buzzed by cyclists.

    The first one nearly ran me down as we were moving in opposite directions. As he approached me, I clearly sidestepped to make room, but he angrily shouted something at me anyways. Feeling galled and physically shocked at having nearly been hit, I yelled back at him. At that point he stopped, got off his bike, and tried to shame me for lacking ettiquete, being selfish, ignorant of rules, or God knows what. He came across as being quite intelligent, like an academic or research scientist of some sort. But still, he was inappropriately aggressive. Obviously something about biking got his adrenaline flowing, fueled his power needs and flattered his elitist self-image. Normally I pull away from confrontations like this, but on this occasion I felt so abused that I held my ground and told him off.

    Just this morning I was walking in the park, and the pathway was empty except for a couple of pedestrians. From behind, a cyclist whizzed past my left side, missing me by only a foot or two. I did not hear the cyclist approaching me, and he had plenty of room to avoid me. Still, he made a point of exclaiming, “You’re all over the place” as he sped off. As with the first cyclist, he looked and sounded like a superior kind of person. Again, I felt the physical shock of nearly having been hit. I appalled by the cyclist’s arrogance.

    Later today, I’m headed to the local police station. I’m going to consult with the officers about my pedestrian’s rights in these encounters. Next time I’m harrassed by one of these asshole cyclists, I’m going to hold up my cell phone and loudly announce I’m ready to call the cops.

    • bicyclebill2000 says:

      Twice in recent weeks (your own words) you had an unpleasant encounter with a cyclist while walking on a shared-use pathway in a public park.  Your statement that “I do a lot of walking” indicate that you are there frequently.  So how many times were you passed by or encountered cyclists who had not “whizzed past you” or “nearly ran me down”?

      But we don’t hear about that.  Instead you come here to unleash a diatribe against cyclists in general and these two in particular in which you start playing amateur psychologist (“… he was inappropriately aggressive … obviously something about biking got his adrenaline flowing, fueled his power needs and flattered his elitist self-image”) and pat yourself on the back for escalating the situation even further — “… I felt so abused that I held my ground and told him off”.  

      And dare I ask — during these encounters were you aware of your surroundings, or were you instead walking around listening to something or another on your iPhone with with a pair of earbuds jammed so deeply into your head that they could be scratching your brain?

      Yeah, you and Falco are definitely a pair to draw to.

      • Fat McNasty says:

        BicycleBill???? That’s friggin’ hilarious! Seriously! I nearly pissed myself!!! LMFAO!!! Hi, I’m Dildo Dan! Haaaaaa!!!!!!! Pedal this!

  32. WhatStoplight? says:

    These people all talk shit about people that use gasoline engines and “machines” but how do they move their possessions when they move, don’t you need a truck for that? How about that order for bicycle tires didn’t that come on a truck not to mention aren’t they made of oil? We all consume non-renewable resources period. Good luck biking your pet to the vet or your newborn infant to daycare. So I’m not interested or capable in biking 20 miles to work, that doesn’t make me a piece of shit. I do have to say its frustrating when bicyclist cut you off and you have to slam on the brakes then have the nerve to flip you off like you did something bad. It also cracks me up when they scream at you for going over the crosswalk one inch but then they run the next red light.

  33. bicyclebill2000 says:

    Have you ever seen how motorists do “California stops” at stop signs?  How about most motorists’ interpretation of the “right turn on red” law?  It’s supposed to be “stop, and then proceed to turn right if the way is clear and there are no oncoming cars from the left”; not a case of “well, there’s someone coming from the left but I think I can beat him around the corner” or “Damn the pedestrians in the crosswalk in front of me, I’m driving here!”

    And don’t get me started on the way they let blind people drive.  How else can you explain the way drivers ignore speed limit signs — especially the ones that say “15 mph in school zones when children are present” — unless they are all visually impaired?

    If everybody would sweep in front of their own doors, the whole world would be clean.

  34. Grrr... says:

    Just had a white guy scream” F&^( You!” to me and my son 5 inches from my face after I instinctively apologized for getting a little too close to a way I needed to cross from a big box store parking lot. I really didn’t need to apologize, I was just being nice and he had nothing better to do than walk over to my van and ask me to roll down my window so he could release every bit of pent up anger he possessed. Maybe it is the amount of spandex they wear, but wow….talk about nasty. At the minimum they should be made to wear the bright orange color that construction workers wear.

  35. cycilists are cunts says:

    Hitler should have gassed cycilists, instead of all the other people.
    Just saying.

  36. John says:

    I miss your blog. What’s up? I live iPortland, OR. It’s Mecca for cyclist. Enjoyed all your articles especially about Portland. Hope to see some new stuff soon.

    Thanks,

    John

    • Falco says:

      Yeah, been too busy to post. But I definitely didn’t mean to let the domain lapse. I dunno if I’m “back,” but I’m back!

  37. Joel says:

    I drive 95% of the time, and sometimes I ride bicycle to work. When I do drive, I try to leave as much space between the curb and my car for the bike, check for cyclist when making a right turn, and generally yield when I can (basically avoid anything that I would hate while on bike).

    This doesn’t stop the cyclists from yelling and banging on my windshield… Once the cyclist told me to f off, when he came opposite of traffic direction downhill and ignored the stop sign, I was approaching intersection at 20km/hr and no where near him. Once a cyclist barked at me for, well apparently no reason, as I was going straight on a high traffic road with no cyclist in front or to the right of me on bike lane (Canada, where sidewalk and bike lane is on the right), so he must have ignored the bike lane and merged two lanes from the left (center of the road on a bridge). Then this morning, I merged to the right lane and then slowed down to avoid a car on the left to make a turn and wait for a car to parallel park, the cyclist just banged on the window and tell me to get the f off the road for merging and stopping (when I merged to right I checked mirror, cyclist was at least 10 meter behind me, the lady parking was bit slow to pull in).

    So yeah, no more sympathy for the cyclist anymore…

  38. chengjoel says:

    I drive 95% of the time, and sometimes I ride bicycle to work. When I do drive, I try to leave as much space between the curb and my car for the bike, check for cyclist when making a right turn, and generally yield when I can (basically avoid anything that I would hate while on bike).

    This doesn’t stop the cyclists from yelling and banging on my windshield… Once the cyclist told me to f off, when he came opposite of traffic direction downhill and ignored the stop sign, I was approaching intersection at 20km/hr and no where near him. Once a cyclist barked at me for, well apparently no reason, as I was going straight on a high traffic road with no cyclist in front or to the right of me on bike lane (Canada, where sidewalk and bike lane is on the right), so he must have ignored the bike lane and merged two lanes from the left (center of the road on a bridge). Then this morning, I merged to the right lane and then slowed down to avoid a car on the left to make a turn and wait for a car to parallel park, the cyclist just banged on the window and tell me to get the f off the road for merging and stopping (when I merged to right I checked mirror, cyclist was at least 10 meter behind me, the lady parking was bit slow to pull in).

    So yeah, sorry, but no more sympathy for the cyclist anymore…

  39. Cycle4soulDrive4ego says:

    Please tell me your an overweight American. I’ve got to know.

  40. bicyclebill2000 says:

    “Falco, Falco, wherefore art thou Falco?”
    ————————–
    We cyclists will never tell.  Bwaa-haa-haa-haa-haa-haaaaaaa!
    ♯♪♪♫ And another one’s gone, and another one’s gone;
    Another one bites the dust…. ♫♯♫

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