Lance Armstrong Gives His Bicyclist Detractors A Giant Middle Finger, Says If He Could Go Back In Time He’d Cheat All Over Again

lance

[BBC] Shamed cyclist Lance Armstrong believes the time is coming when he should be forgiven for doping and lying – and told the BBC he would probably do it again.

Armstrong, 43, was stripped of his record seven Tour de France titles and banned from sport for life by the United States Anti-Doping Agency (Usada) in August 2012.

“If I was racing in 2015, no, I wouldn’t do it again because I don’t think you have to,” he said.

“If you take me back to 1995, when doping was completely pervasive, I would probably do it again.”

What can I say about Lance Armstrong that I haven’t already said? Plain and simple, the man is an American hero. I know that might seem a little incongruous with the basic message of this block, but longtime readers will know my stance on Lance Armstrong well. Has Lance Armstrong ever blocked a street? Ever demanded that you share the road? Has he ever blown through a stoplight and flipped off a driver who dares come within his eight foot bubble? No. He has not. All Lance did was go win one of the craziest international athletic competitions ever seven times in a fucking row. With one testicle. For AMERICA.

Oh boo hoo, Lance Armstrong cheated. Cry me a fucking river. The fact that bicyclists still get to pretend like their sport has a modicum of integrity is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. The NCAA is like the gold standard for corruption in sports, and at least they’ve only had to vacate a handful of national champions. Hell, even FIFA hasn’t had to vacate any World Cup champions. Meanwhile, in the last 25 years, 68% of Tour de France champions have been caught doping. 68 fucking percent! And yet these bicyclists act like Lance Armstrong isn’t one of them. He’s an OUTLIER. He brings SHAME to their “sport.” I’ve got five words for you people: Give. Me. A. Fucking. BREAK.

So you HAVE to love Lance coming out with both middle fingers raised firmly in the air here. Basically just saying yup, I cheated, and so did everyone else. Would I go back and change it? Fuck no! I still dominated you assholes on an even playing field, and it’s about time you got the fuck over it. Just an absolute A+ effort on Lance’s part. If you hate Lance, you hate America. That’s basically what this boils down to. And if you hate America, well, we don’t really have to listen to anything you say, do we? Because you’re probably just another traitorous bicyclist hypocrite.

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About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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2 Responses to Lance Armstrong Gives His Bicyclist Detractors A Giant Middle Finger, Says If He Could Go Back In Time He’d Cheat All Over Again

  1. Bryan says:

    Awesome. I never had a livestrong bracelet but now I have to have one.

  2. Pingback: You’ll Never Believe This But A Bunch Of Bicycle Bloggers Are NOT Happy With Your Boy Falco | I HATE BICYCLISTS

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