Bono May Never Play Guitar Again Because He Got Run Over By A Bicyclist While Also Riding A Bicycle


[CNN] Bono has shared with fans that recovery from an accident has been slow going and that he’s worried he may never play guitar again.

The U2 frontman underwent hours of multiple surgeries in November after a bicycle accident in New York City when he tried to avoid another rider in Central Park. The singer broke his arm in six spots, and he fractured his eye socket and shoulder blade.

On New Year’s Day, he posted a blog entry on the band’s website in which he detailed his struggle.

“Recovery has been more difficult than I thought,” Bono wrote. “As I write this, it is not clear that I will ever play guitar again. The band have reminded me that neither they nor Western civilization are depending on this.”

I’m a little ashamed that I missed this story when it first broke, but, to be fair, I do pride myself on NOT knowing what Bono is up to on a daily basis.

Anyway, it’s tough to pick a side in this one, because it’s not hard to imagine exactly what happened. Given that bicyclists think that they are the center of the universe and everything else revolves completely around them, they probably both cruised down the path at full speed, each supremely confident that the other would swerve out of the way, until they smashed together in a tangled heap of broken bones and wounded pride.

And listen. I have nothing against Bono. Well, that’s not true. I think Bono is an outrageous, self-aggrandizing asshole. But so does everyone else. It’s just kind of an accepted fact at this point. So really, what did you expect from Bono? Of COURSE he would be a bicyclist. It might make the most sense out of anything ever. So while it’s tempting to take the other bicyclist’s side just for the sake of rooting against Bono, I can’t do it. I can’t choose the average bicyclist over Bono, because at heart, Bono IS the average bicyclist. He’s a self-satisfied douchebag who thinks the rest of the world revolves around him. And what, I’m supposed to hate him more because he’s rich? Fuck that. That just means he’s taken the bicyclist mentality and found a way to channel it into something productive. Do I hate it? Sure. But goddammit, I respect it. If nothing else, it’s a step up from the rest of these twats.

So, in conclusion, fuck Bono. But fuck the other guy just as much. May they both rot in bicyclist hell.

h/t to reader Eric for the tip

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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1 Response to Bono May Never Play Guitar Again Because He Got Run Over By A Bicyclist While Also Riding A Bicycle

  1. onenameleft says:

    That gave me a chuckle, and made my weekend.

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