I Always Thought Mad Max Was A Work Of Fiction But Apparently It Was Actually A Documentary About Australian Bicyclists


[The Age] It was a case of road rage on two wheels this week as a squadron of cyclists assaulted a motorist in Fitzroy.

The melee began on Tuesday in Mater Street, Collingwood, with a verbal altercation between the driver and four male cyclists and continued to the southern side of the intersection of Brunswick Street and Alexandra Parade in Fitzroy.

As the motorist waited at the traffic lights, two of the cyclists from the initial group approached his vehicle. One of the men produced what police say was a metal bike lock and started hitting the car, shattering the windscreen. He then started hitting the driver’s side window, which also shattered and caved in. The two men then rode off east down Alexandra Parade. 

You won’t find a bigger Mad Max fan than me. The Road Warrior is probably one of my top 10 movies of all time, and I will be first in line to see the Tom Hardy reboot in IMAX. But I guess I’ve been laboring under a pretty serious misconception all this time. You see, I thought Mad Max was the brilliant creation of George Miller. I thought he was imagining a unique and exciting post-apocalyptic world in which roving bands of savage warlords ruled the roads.

But now I see that I was wrong. George Miller was just translating his experiences with Australian bicyclists into a cinematic experience. I mean holy shit, what a bunch of savages! Not that I’m surprised. This is straight off page one of the bicyclist handbook. Involved in a minor altercation? Better respond by bashing the shit out of someone’s personal property with a metal rod. Obviously that’s the next logical step. I mean, how do you even respond to that? Someone who thinks that attacking your car with the fury of a thousand suns is a proportional response is liable to do just about anything. This poor driver is lucky he didn’t end up dragged out of the car and strapped to the front of somebody’s bike like a fucking war trophy. He was probably afraid that was where it was heading.


Anyway, I’m still excited to see the new Mad Max, but this definitely paints it in a whole new light for me. Australia, you need to clean this shit the fuck up. Obviously everyday citizens can’t stoop to the destructive level of these savages, but the Australian police need to take a stand. Keep the people of Australia safe! Protect them from these roving bands of lawless savages! You and me, Max, we’re gonna give them back their heroes!

h/t reader Ernest

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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