Bad News Guys: Apparently Getting Drunk And Pretending To Be A Cop So You Can Arrest Bicyclists Is Now Illegal For Some Reason


[Channel 3000] MADISON, Wis. – A 25-year-old Madison man was arrested after demanding that a man on a bicycle pay him a fine for riding a bike on a sidewalk, according to police.

Police said Michael P. Moran, 25, was intoxicated when he stopped the bicyclist in the 300 block of West Wilson Street Thursday night. Moran said he was acting as a law enforcement officer and demanded the bicyclist pay a $200 fine for biking on the sidewalk, according to police.

The victim said he knew it was legal to ride his bike on residential sidewalks and he called police.

Police said Moran was found asleep in some bushes near the crime scene.

Moran was arrested on suspicion of impersonating a peace officer and for possession of a switchblade knife.

I can’t knock this drunk guy’s hustle. I just can’t. Yeah it’s illegal to impersonate a police officer. Yeah you shouldn’t be getting so drunk you pass out in a bush. I know that. But you know what else you shouldn’t be doing? Riding your bike on the fucking sidewalk. I don’t care if it’s legal. Nope. Don’t care one bit. This is one of those moments where you have to Batman that shit and take the law into your own hands.

If murder was legal you’d still try and stop someone from killing you, right? Same exact thing here. Same exact thing. If riding your bike on the sidewalk is legal, that just means that the lawmakers aren’t doing their jobs. It means the police aren’t doing their jobs. And when that happens, our entire society starts to break down.

Well Michael Moran isn’t going to stand for that. You think Michael Moran wants our entire civilization to crumble into a dystopian wasteland where murderers roam the streets and bicyclists are allowed to bike on the sidewalk? Fuck no. Michael Moran is a patriot. Michael Moran is a humanitarian. Michael Moran is the hero Wisconsin needs right now.

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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4 Responses to Bad News Guys: Apparently Getting Drunk And Pretending To Be A Cop So You Can Arrest Bicyclists Is Now Illegal For Some Reason

  1. r3dbull4dd1kt says:

    I am confused here…what kind of backward world is it when Bicyclists willingly ride on sidewalks and vigilante justice is served by a drunken thief armed with a concealed weapon? I mean is Wisconsin turning into Illinois?

    On a sidenote, this bikefuck really did one thing that will surely get him expelled from the club; by riding on a sidewalk he admitted what we have known all along–BICYCLES AREN’T FUCKING *VEHICLES* AND BICYCLISTS ARE JUST PEDESTRIANS WITH EGOMANIA!

    • fiddy says:

      Fuck all this, you fat lazy greaseballs need to deal with it. Would you rather have more cars on the road holding up traffic or have to let 3 bikes pass you. Or a single bike go down a sidewalk and not hurt anyone. This kid was drunk and being annoying, end of story.

      • r3dbull4dd1kt says:

        right…focus on the the drunk knife wielding kid, not the douchebucket, sidewalk riding fuckwad who CAUSED the whole situation…Typical bicyclist logic

        Why don’t ya go blow through some more stop signs, cut off some more cars, assault some old folks and steal some shit Peddles the Assclown?

  2. bicyclebill2000 says:

    Wisconsin doesn’t need Michael Moran.  We’ve got Scottie Wanker, and one asshole in charge is enough.

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