Note To Bicyclists: Cutting Off The President’s Motorcade Is Probably Not The Best Idea

[TIME] A New York City bicyclist learned his lesson Thursday after he tried to ride a bicycle in front of President Barack Obama’s motorcade.

Video posted by Instagram user mattpeco shows a man on a Citibike bicycle attempting to ride through an intersection that police had blocked off, when a cop grabs him and forces him to the ground.

Another cop in a helmet roughly secures the man to the ground until a Secret Service agent walks over. President Obama’s motorcade rolls past shortly after, to applause.

Police say Provencio was issued a summons for disorderly conduct, according to the Daily News.

I know I say it all the time, but bicyclists really do think they are the most important people on the planet. You might think I’m joking when I say it. You might thing I’m exaggerating when I tell you that bicyclists think that heaven and earth should move before them. That our lives should all revolve around the whims of the bicyclist menace. But as Han Solo said, it’s true. All of it.

How else do you explain this piece of shit moron cutting off the president’s motorcade? I mean look, I’m all for inconveniencing politicians. They’re universally terrible. They all deserve whatever fate ultimately awaits them in hell. But it takes a special breed of idiotic narcissist to see streets completely blocked off, throngs of people crowding up against barriers, and police holding everyone back, and think, “that must be for me.”

So ultimately, I applaud the NYPD for doing what needs to be done. Sure, some people might think that slamming him to the ground is overkill, but spare the rod, spoil the child. God knows the bicyclists behave enough like spoiled children as it is. Hopefully this man can be an example to others of his kind. No, the streets are not blocked off for you. No, you are not allowed to go wherever you want just because you are on a bicycle. No, you are not more important than the president. No, the NYPD will not hesitate to break your face when you break the law. You know. The little lessons that keep society going.

PS. The fact that he’s on a Citibike is easily the best part of this story. He’s one of those bicyclist douchebags that can’t even spring for his own bicycle. Dude probably thinks the “Citibike” logo on the side of his dork machine is his key to the city. Talk about a rude awakening. Although if anything this guy is lucky. Sure, the NYPD were pretty rough with him, but I’m pretty sure the Secret Service would run him the fuck over without a second thought. Count your blessings, bikefuck.

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About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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8 Responses to Note To Bicyclists: Cutting Off The President’s Motorcade Is Probably Not The Best Idea

  1. Sheridan says:

    I loved the way the crowd started cheering once the bicyclist had been pounded into the pavement, unless I misunderstood and that was something to do with president.

  2. bicyclebill2000 says:

    Har-de-har, Falco.  Yuk it up.  He’s not even a real cyclist; a real cyclist wouldn’t be caught dead on a Citibike.  He’s just another clueless, brain-dead New Yorker … kinda like Donald Trump.

    I notice that you have chosen to not make a thing out of the jackass who used his pickup truck as a Weapon of Mass Destruction in Kalamazoo a week or so ago, plowing into and killing five bicyclists and injuring four others.  Allow me to take this time and space to point out that while they were on bicycles, they were still human beings; human beings who happened to choose to ride bicycles at that particular time.  I thank you for your courtesy and consideration in not turning a legitimate tragedy into fodder for your misguided, spotty attempts at humor.  There is some hope for you after all. 

    • Lord Dunsany says:

      Are you saying that since he didn’t zip past the cops on his Bianchi, he’s not a member of the elitist cyclist brotherhood? What’s your point? He was on a bike. By definition riding a bike makes him a “cyclist.” You should support him, like you do those poor folks in Kalamazoo…or in your mind do they deserve more consideration because they were “real” cyclists on expensive bikes with all the clown gear that goes along with pretending to be a competitive cyclist? For shame! Don’t be exclusionary. Love your pedal-powered brother, be it on a KGS or a Citibike.

  3. RedRoverMoveOver says:

    They probably had to do a double take due to the lack of ridiculous tight clothes and douchebag sunglasses.

  4. I love it. If there is not a bike lane dont get mad when you get a mirror off the back of your head when you try to pass me in the break down lane.

  5. I hate rude cyclists says:

    Fuck those rude and stupid cyclists!

  6. Bikecrusher Bob says:

    If ever a picture summed up the selfishness and self-righteousness of oblivious bikefucks…

  7. BlackQueen says:

    Proper order!

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