[Cleveland Plain Dealer] A 78-year-old Parma Heights man was assaulted by a man riding a bicycle Feb. 19. The bicyclist was riding in the roadway, and when the older man told him to move over, the bicyclist broke his side mirror and punched him in the nose. Officer arrived on the scene but were unable to find the suspect.

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There you have it, folks. Just further proof that when bicyclists say “share the road,” what they really mean is “let me have the whole road.” How else can you explain their insistence on riding in the dead center of the road and their consistent refusal to show any sort of common human decency when it comes to allowing faster vehicles an unobstructed roadway? Bicyclists don’t care how late you are to work or how many times faster than their top speed the speed limit might be. They care about making a point, and their point is apparently that they can be bigger dickheads than you.

In a way, you almost have to respect the bicyclist mentality. It’s very egalitarian. No favoritism whatsoever. No matter who you are, they treat you the same way: like an asshole. White guy, black girl, young woman, old man…it’s all the same in the mind of a bicyclist. If you think the fact that you’re a frail old septuagenarian is going to save you from a shattered mirror and a punch to the fucking dome, THINK AGAIN! Bicyclists are equal opportunity aggressors. You wanna step in the ring with a bicyclists, you better wear a fucking helmet (not them though, helmet laws are a fascist infringement on their basic human rights and anyone who supports them is literally Hitler).