This Disgusting Poster Implying That Bicyclists Are In Any Way Sexually Desirable Has Been Rightly Banned

bikeposter

[Irish Mirror] A race competition poster showing a cyclist pinching a podium girl’s bum has been withdrawn after complaints it was ‘sexist’.

The image is being used to promote the annual Belgian E3 Harelbeke cycling race.

It is accompanied by the caption ‘Wie ‘knijpt’ ze in Harelbeke’ which translates to ‘Who will ‘pinch’ the Harelbeke this year?’

It is thought to be a reference to the 2013 Tour of Flanders, when Slovakian rider Peter Sagan squeezed a woman’s backside on the winner’s podium.

He later apologised for his actions in a Facebook video and gave the woman a bunch of flowers.

When I look at internet porn, I appreciate when the director tries to inject a bit of a story. It has to be sort of believable. Hey, that girl just wants to be cast in a movie and she’s willing to do anything. I get it. Or hey, this guy did such a good job fixing the cable that the woman of the house wants to reward him. Sure. Or wow, that poor college girl didn’t have any money to tip the pizza guy with, but she didn’t want to send him away disappointed! How thoughtful!

This poster, on the other hand, is just disgusting. It’s vile. And it’s false advertising. I mean, if I had to make a list of the least sexually desirable people on the planet earth, bicyclists would be far and away tops on the list. Slap the most attractive woman in the world into spandex and put her on a bike, I’m still not watching that porno. There’s no scenario you can concoct in which it makes sense. My immersion is broken. It just isn’t believable.

Because if there’s one thing we know about bicyclists, it’s that they don’t give one single shit about anyone other than themselves. And sex is a two way street. If only one person is putting in any effort, chances are it’s not going to be enjoyable for either of you. So how could you possibly believe that a bicyclist would be fun to fuck? There’s absolutely no chance a bicyclist is going to find time to work the shaft appropriately if she’s too busy screaming about sharing the road. How can you possibly expect to establish any sort of rhythm if your bicyclist partner is busy imagining ways to block traffic? Bicyclists don’t go with the flow. They OBSTRUCT the flow. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about sex, it’s that an obstructed flow is going to put a pretty huge damper on your enjoyment.

Listen. No one is ever going to mistake me for the PC Police. Basically all I do here is make fun of people in terrible, over-the-top ways. But at least when I make ridiculous statements and claims, everything I say has a grain of truth to it. I mean, bicyclists ARE lawless, heathen, drug-addicted sociopaths. They DO think that they can get away with absolutely anything and don’t give a fuck how much damage they cause along the way, or to whom. These are just facts. I don’t have to spin these things. But putting out bicyclist propaganda that implies that there’s any way in the world that anyone would want to fuck a bicyclist? Not even remotely the same territory. I won’t stand for such damaging lies, and apparently neither will the Belgians.

Welcome to the fight, Belgium. Stand up for truth. Tell these bikefucks we won’t tolerate their lies, their propaganda, or their naked bodies.

(image source)

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About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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4 Responses to This Disgusting Poster Implying That Bicyclists Are In Any Way Sexually Desirable Has Been Rightly Banned

  1. bicyclebill2000 says:

    Ah, but bicyclists ARE sexually desirable.

    Let’s put it this way.  Has anyone like Sheryl Crow been banging you lately?
    She *WAS* doing Lance Armstrong…….

  2. dorath20 says:

    That is really simple thinking/reasoning.
    You could put in anything besides Bicyclists and the statement would still be true.

  3. bicyclebill2000 says:

    The poster from the year before for the same ride.

    Now that’s a bicycle I bet even you would get in line to ride.

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