Oh Nothing, Just A Typical Bicyclist Throwing Himself At A Completely Stopped Police Car And Pretending It Ran Him Over

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[via Barstool Sports

So here’s the thing. I’m sure there are a lot of bicycle accidents that are just that: accidents. There are plenty of bicyclists who get legitimately obliterated by cars out of nowhere and end up seriously injured or dead. I understand that kind of thing does happen.

But when I see shit like this it just forces me to assume that every single bicycle accident is total bullshit. I mean is there anything these people do that isn’t a complete lie? These are the kind of assholes who can’t even get hit by a car with dignity. Let’s check out the play by play:

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“Hey look, a police car that has come to a complete stop!”

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“I bet if I stop in front of it and then fall over, I can totally make it look like they hit me!”

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“Here goes! HEAVE HO!”

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And then, of course, the best part of the video: the point at which the cop gets out of his car and attempts to drag the dumbass out from in front of his vehicle by the arm.

The really terrifying thing here is that if not for a video camera that just BARELY managed to capture this whole incident in frame, the dude probably would have gotten away with it, because bicyclists always get away with it. I know I’ve spent a lot of time bitching about the sort of asshole bicyclists who wear cameras on their helmets, but this actually kind of makes me think that ALL bicyclists should be REQUIRED to wear cameras on their helmets, just to catch them in all their goddamn lies and insurance fraud and drunk driving and probably murder.

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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3 Responses to Oh Nothing, Just A Typical Bicyclist Throwing Himself At A Completely Stopped Police Car And Pretending It Ran Him Over

  1. r3dbull4dd1kt says:

    …he was probably smoking Methamphetamine, drunk as fuck, with a cat riding on his shoulder while flipping off every car he saw…bicycle=Automatic Darwin Award Nominee…

  2. Hoboken411 says:

    Love the post. But is a double edged sword. We hate the “big brother” surveillance, but sometimes need it to control lawsuit hungry dopes like this. However, if we got rid of the billions of pages of “laws” and stuck to common law (often called “higher law”), this type of thing would be of little importance.

    As you walk your daily life. Ask yourself this. “Is technology helping more or hurting more?”

    The more I walk around observing life, rarely making eye-contact with anyone anymore these days, know the answer to that question.

    • Falco says:

      While I understand your point, you’re also talking to a guy answering this from a laptop, playing a game on a tablet, playing music on a phone, and anxiously awaiting Google Glass to be released. I’ve come to the somewhat sad realization about myself that there may in fact be no freedom I am not willing to relinquish in exchange for a neat gadget.

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