No Longer Content To Lock Their Bikes To Public Property, Bicyclists Are Now Locking People Out Of Their Own Homes


[Hoboken 411] Entitled bicyclists in Hoboken don’t just ride the wrong way, or nearly run over pedestrians on the sidewalk. Nope. They also lock these fruity contraptions to the front of people’s homes – and prevent access to the gated areas, as one resident tried to reason with the moron by leaving a polite note:

“2nd Notice: Please do not park your bike here. It prevents access to the front gated area. If you have a problem, call my cell and we can discuss. Thanks. (Adams St. Resident)”

“Please” call my cell? So we can “discuss?” Fuck that! If that was my house, that lock would have been sawed off – and the sign would have said “FREE BIKE. PLEASE TAKE.” You can’t reason with these people. They’ll unknowingly step all over you. Grow a pair and take matters in your own hands.

This story was passed along to me by the good folks at Hoboken 411, a longtime friend of the blog. I have to say I think they hit the nail on the head. In fact, the only thing I take issue with here is the word “unknowingly.” Bicyclists may seem like an extremely dumb bunch. And they are! Mostly. But when it comes to things like this, they know exactly what they’re doing. You don’t just accidentally lock somebody’s front gate shut. That doesn’t happen. No, as usual bicyclists just want to watch the world burn. They’re a miserable bunch of miscreant anarchists no doubt driven near madness by the itching spandex constantly clinging to their skin.

And not to bury the lede here, but how about this pussy who had his front gate locked shut? “Oh, uh, hey, um, sorry, so sorry, um, um, um, if it’s okay with you, could you maybe, um, if it’s not too inconvenient, would you maybe mind, uh, not, you know, uh, chaining my front gate shut? If it’s, uh, if it’s okay with you, that is. If not that’s okay! I don’t ever need to get in or out of my house anyway. Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry.” Hoboken 411 knocks it out of the park there. Grow a pair of goddamn balls and hit that bike with a fucking sledgehammer. Your home is your castle. Learn to defend it.

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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