[Sevenoaks Chronicle] BIGGIN Hill villagers have rounded on cycling clubs this week with a public sign labelling them ‘lycra louts’.

Clubs travelling through the village have been slammed by villagers for ‘polluting’ the area with their route markers.

The notice which is stuck up close to Indian restaurant Shampan At The Spinning Wheel gives a strongly-worded warning to clubs not to use the plastic signs.

It states: “Cycling clubs: Do not attach arrows in this area they will be removed. Lycra louts are not welcome here! Blocking our roads and polluting our countryside with orange plastic signs.”

—

Lycra louts! Brilliant! Leave it to the Brits to come up with new and creative insults that the rest of us haven’t thought of yet. And of course they’re totally right. Get your fucking arrows off my telephone poles! You can’t just run around plastering your bicycle props all over town like you own the place. You know what we call that in the civilized world? Vandalism. That’s all you are, you pedalfucking douchebags. A bunch of goddamn vandals ruining the beautiful and picturesque landscape you profess to love so much.

It really is massively hypocritical. It’s like they don’t even stop to think about what they’re doing for a single second. Don’t sit here and tell me that you believe in bicycling because you want to save the environment, then staple a bunch of laminated paper arrows around town. We all know what happens. Eventually the staples fall out and everything falls down. Now you’ve got a bunch of non-biodegradable trash floating around town and a squirrel is choking to death on the staple. You bicyclists make me sick. Just wantonly killing small animals so you can tell the other members of your anarchist cabal to make a left turn instead of a right.

Typical, though. No real surprise. Bicyclists talk a big game about saving the earth but when it comes right down to it all they really care about is themselves. Sad thing is if they weren’t such a bunch of Luddite dickheads they might notice that their stupid paper arrows have been obsolete for about a decade now. Wake up morons, every phone has a GPS now. How about you take a break from your meth-fueled chipmunk murder spree and upgrade your fucking cell. Not holding my breath for that though. Not holding my breath at all.