Pretty Sure Parrots Just Sided With Me In The Battle Against Bicyclists

[Barstool Sports] Hah love it. Oh sorry Mr. Doucheonabike, your life is much, much less important than my bird who’s dying on me. Bike douche didn’t even know how to respond. It’s not all about you just because you’re on a bike. Us normals who drive automobiles have places to go and people to see and birds to revive. We don’t have to make it all about us. And besides, why the fuck does bike idiot even care why he was cut off in the first place? I don’t chase down and tap on the window of every driver who does that to me. Shit happens out on the road. It just happens that idiot decided since he’s on a bike, he has to bring the dramatics everywhere he goes. Even though I think people who keep birds as pets are one step away from the looney bin, I hope the bird lived.

Not sure I can say it any better than your local Barstool blogger Nate already did. I mean I’ve always said the bicyclists are the biggest bunch of fake-liberal phonies out there. Like they always want you to believe that they’re riding their bikes because they want to save the environment. Uhhh wrong. They’re riding their bikes so they can tell everyone about how they ride their bikes. It’s no different from the crossfit people or the P90X mafia. Nobody enjoys any of that shit. They just want to tell everybody else how much better than them they are.

So it obviously comes as no surprise to me that this fuckhead doesn’t give one single shit about this poor, defenseless, dying parrot. When it comes right down to it bicyclists care more about getting six feet of clearance on all sides than they do about actually helping another living thing. Nature my ass, bro. You’d murder every parrot on the face of the earth if it meant BuzzFeed would post a picture of you on a bike. Nate hits the nail on the head here. The second you sit on a bike, dramatics everywhere. I wish this surprised me at all but it doesn’t. Flat out typical bicyclist behavior.

PS. Is it just me or was that car not even that close to him? I mean what’s the driver supposed to do, veer into the other lane and smash head on into oncoming traffic so pedalpants over here can enjoy his isolated protection bubble? Fucking bicyclists, man. Biggest bunch of babies around.

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About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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