Hoo boy! Settle down, little doggie! I gotta say, I knew there were a lot of bicyclists out there who hate me, but I didn’t realize I was inspiring internet fanfiction about my gruesome murder. This is a whole new level of celebrity for me. Honestly I may print this out and frame it on my wall.
Because I gotta hand it to the guy. This is a top notch narrative here. As soon as I read this I had to sit down and think about a few things. Am I really a “smuck?” Would my parents both “laughted” after my “dimise?” Tough stuff. It really makes you reevaluate your life. I for sure do not want to be inflated like a blimp via my anus. That’s not a good look for anybody.
PS. I’ve made peace with the fact that whoever wrote this is 100% going to murder me.
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I HATE BICYCLISTS 
I can only come to one conclusion…Methamphetamine makes people stupid, especially bike-fucks…
I wager that whoever wrote that bad of assholes will sooner get splattered by a driver on his morning commute when he blows a stop sign…or maybe get the living shit beaten outta him when he tries to run over a pedestrian…or should that read ‘Shit beetun out of him by a pedestrion?’
II have a reoccurring dream ever since I visited San Francisco and encountered the army of out of control bike-scum. My dream has me giving a forearm shiver to the throat of an on rushing bike Nazis on the Golden Gate bridge knocking them over the railing and watching them fall flailing to the bay below, but rather than a bone crushing impact with the icy SF bay waters, they become impaled on the mast of a sailboat passing under the bridge. In their brightly colored skin tights they look like another masthead ensign to the other passing boaters, until they realize the flag is not waving in the wind, but rather its the frantic waving of arms as the 6 inch thick aluminum mast forces its way up through their anus and into their mouths. That will teach them to menace pedestrians on bridges and to run red lights and stop signs. After these dreams I wake up feeling very refreshed.
…wow…uhmmm…uh…wow
Blisssss…