[KFSM] A West Fork man is facing multiple charges, including two felonies, after police said he crashed his bicycle while pulling his 4-year-old son in a buggy Saturday night.

Mark Fochtman, 29, was booked in the Washington County Detention Center on Sunday morning and is being held on $5,000 bond, according to the Sheriff’s Office website. Fochtman faces felony charges of endangering the welfare of a minor and fleeing in addition to several misdemeanor charges.

Fayetteville police officers responded to a call from Washington County Medical Center about a man who had put his child in danger by riding bicycle while intoxicated, a preliminary police report said. Officers found Fochtman in the emergency room and said he “appeared heavily intoxicated” with bloodshot eyes, poor balance and a strong smell of alcohol, the report said.

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Serious question: isn’t protecting your kids a biological imperative for human beings? I’m pretty sure human beings are supposed to be wired to care for their kids and keep them out of danger at all costs. Which pretty much proves my point here: bicyclists are subhuman scum.

I mean it’s one thing to disregard your own safety by riding in the middle of the road, cutting off cars, riding while shitfaced, and cruising through stoplights. I get it. You have a death wish. If I was a bicyclist I’d probably hate my life too. But disregarding your kid’s safety because you just had to have that seventeenth beer? That’s straight subhuman behavior, jack. Shit son, even CATS defend their young, and cats are the worst fucking animals on the planet earth. Or at least I would have said that a minute ago. Now I’m pretty convinced that bicyclists fall closer to ‘animal’ than ‘human’ on the civilization spectrum. Fucking savages.

PS. “Other officers used Fochtman’s cell phone to locate a family member who could get the 4 year old, but the report said officers were unable to find someone sober enough to report to the hospital.” Kid doesn’t have a CHANCE.

(image source)