In Case You Didn’t Believe Me That Bicyclists Are Gearing Up For War, Apparently They’re Now Wearing Body Armor

bikearmor

[CTV News] Trauma surgeons at Foothills Medical Centre in Calgary conducted a study into cycling injuries and say the risk of serious injury can be reduced and even prevented by wearing body armour.

The doctors compared injuries between street cyclists and mountain bikers over a 14-year period and looked at incidence, risk factors and injury patterns.

One of the recommendations that came out of the report is that cyclists in both groups should consider wearing chest protection.

Really? Body armor? No, I’m sure this is purely to protect you when you fall off your bike. I totally believe you guys. Because every time I trip and fall on the ground, I think “shit, if only I had a kevlar vest on.” I’m sure this is in no way the final preparation for an all out assault on everything that society and civilization holds dear. Last year they started stealing all of our gas. This year they’re buying up battle armor. I think we all know what comes next.

This is what I’ve been warning you people about for the better part of two years. Bicyclists thought I wouldn’t notice the gas story, and now they’re hoping that this story will slip through the cracks. They’re hoping that when their psychotic legions ride forth from the gates of hell and start tossing old people, blind people, fat people, and each other into the River Styx, you won’t have any idea how well armed and armored they really are.

But you know what? Not on my watch. NOT ON MY WATCH.

(image source)

 

Advertisements

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
This entry was posted in Technology and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to In Case You Didn’t Believe Me That Bicyclists Are Gearing Up For War, Apparently They’re Now Wearing Body Armor

  1. bicyclebill2000 says:

    Cyclists never know when they might have to interact with people in armored tanks automobiles who share your mindset, Falco.  Sounds like wearing body armor is the sensible, logical thing to do.

  2. bicyclebill2000 says:

    Missed a tag.  Trying again:
    Cyclists never know when they might have to interact with people in armored tanks automobiles who share your mindset, Falco.  Sounds like wearing body armor is the sensible, logical thing to do.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s