I Don’t Mean To Alarm Anyone But Illinois Is Being Taken Over By Roving Gangs Of Heavily Armed Bicyclist Thugs


[News-Gazette] URBANA — University of Illinois police are investigating two crimes involving bicyclists Saturday night in Champaign-Urbana.

According to a police report, a University of Illinois employee was walking near a parking lot in the 1100 block of West Western Avenue, Urbana, at about 8:30 p.m.

Saturday when three people riding bicycles approached him from behind.

The employee said the three men surrounded him, and one of the hit him on the back of the head with the butt of a black handgun.

While the man was held at gunpoint, a second bicyclist searched his pocket and took the victim’s I-card. Then the three bicyclists rode away south on Goodwin Avenue.

I always said this would happen if bicyclists ever managed to get organized. I mean a month or so ago we saw that DC bicyclists were trying to get organized into the DC Bike Party, but since that ended with a scofflaw moron getting obliterated by a car I figured they were still five, maybe even ten years away from any sort of tactical, coordinated offensive capability.

Now I see a story like this and I realize how wrong I was to feel secure. By the looks of it the state of Illinois is already under full-fledged attack from this cabal of bicycular savages. We’re talking about people who already believe that simple laws like stopping at traffic lights and not driving drunk are beneath them, but they’ve expanded their perceived veil of impunity into firearms and assault.

Mark my words, it only gets worse from here. If the Illinois police aren’t capable of putting an end to this dangerous and increasingly well organized criminal element, I can only hope that the governor sees how dire this threat is and calls in the National Guard. Today, it’s college students. Tomorrow, it could be your children. Is that a risk you really want to take?

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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2 Responses to I Don’t Mean To Alarm Anyone But Illinois Is Being Taken Over By Roving Gangs Of Heavily Armed Bicyclist Thugs

  1. SleepyBoBo says:

    This only adds weight to my argument that they should all be wearing lycra. This will make it impossible (well almost) for them to hide concealed weapons. We can see them coming then. It won’t be just a cry of “Watch out for the wanker on the bike” it will be appended with “… and they have a gun\morning star\Hunga Munga concealed in there banana pouch”

  2. r3dbull4dd1kt says:

    I can’t fathom such blatant lawlessness in…oh wait….it said Illinois didn’t it? Ah, well that explains it all!

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