“Drunken Bicyclist Arrested After Fleeing While Making Siren Noise” Is Both The Best And Least Surprising Headline Ever


[Gainesville Sun] A bicyclist who witnesses said was drunk and repeatedly falling off his bike into traffic was arrested on multiple charges after an officer confronted him and he fled on the bike while making a siren noise with his mouth.

Gainesville Police Department Officer Michael Cavett spotted 57-year old Scott R. Morse of Gainesville as Morse was traveling east on the north side of Archer Road near Butler Plaza. Morse was arguing with bystanders and fell off his bicycle while Cavett watched.

The officer tried to stop Morse using his car lights and siren, but when he exited his police car, Morse mounted his bicycle, made his own siren noise and fled east into westbound traffic.

Cavett gave chase as Morse sprinted north on Southwest 34th Street, with the officer eventually intercepting Morse in the 3400 block of Windmeadows Boulevard. Cavett exited his vehicle and tackled Morse as he turned onto the grass median, according to a statement released by police spokesman Officer Ben Tobias.

This is one news story I don’t even feel like I need to comment on. I mean just read that headline. Is it even possible to improve on that? No fucking way. The story just tells it like it is. Bicyclist gets drunk. Bicyclist makes WEE WOO WEE WOO noises at cops. Bicyclist flees. Bicyclist gets tackled by cops. It’s flat out impossible to read that and not laugh. It’s a comedic formula as old as “man getting hit by football.”

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
This entry was posted in Criminals and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to “Drunken Bicyclist Arrested After Fleeing While Making Siren Noise” Is Both The Best And Least Surprising Headline Ever

  1. B. says:

    in my case I would have to drunk to even think about riding a bike; its like a landline telephone in the age of mobile—antiquated, overpriced and infinitely stupid…oh wait that works for the people who ride them too!

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