INDIAN RIVER SHORES, Fla., Nov. 15 (UPI) — Police in Florida said they arrested a cyclist clad only in an upside-down shirt and boxer shorts who smelled like he had defecated on himself.

The Indian River Shores Department of Public Safety said an officer on patrol Nov. 3 saw Sergey Smirnov, 54, swerve into oncoming traffic from a northbound bicycle lane, where he had been riding south, TCPalm.com reported Thursday.

The officer said Smirnov, who smelled of booze and feces, was wearing a button-down shirt upside-down.

The officer told Smirnov he would be arrested if he was seen riding in the street again, and he was arrested about an hour later after again swerving into traffic and nearly striking a patrol car with his bicycle. [UPI]

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How about this cop, huh? I mean how the fuck do you see a dude wearing his clothes upside-down who smells like booze and shit and say to yourself, “yeah this guy probably just needs a warning and he’ll totally get his shit together.”

Incidentally how does a person wear a buttondown shirt upside-down? Did he have his legs through the sleeves or what? Because how skinny are this guy’s legs? If I tried to thread my fat fucking legs through a pair or shirtsleeves I don’t think I could even walk, let alone ride a bike.

But yeah, pretty typical behavior here. Bicyclists drinking while riding is nothing new. Bicyclists shitting in public is nothing new (although usually they’re at least put together enough to not shit on THEMSELVES). Bicyclists blatantly ignoring warnings from law enforcement is definitely nothing new. Bunch of savages, man.

PS. It is the biggest crime in the history of news reporting that there wasn’t a picture of the dude included with this article. Come on UPI, get your shit together (I know it looks like a photograph but believe it or not I had to DRAW that picture at the top).