I bet you all think I’m gonna hate on Lance Armstrong because I hate bicyclists. But I ain’t mad at him. Sure, Lance shows that even professional cyclists are duplicitous, lying assholes. But Lance is a professional cyclist, not a dipshit city bicyclist. I’ve never seen Lance block a busy street. I’ve never seen Lance bitch out a driver just trying to maintain a reasonable speed. And why not? Oh yeah that’s right, Lance is too busy raising millions and millions of dollars to fight cancer.

So do your thing Lance Armstrong. I ain’t mad at you. Sure they’re gonna ban you from bicycling forever, but that just means it’s probably time to hang up the bike. Because if you transition from professional cyclist to casual douchebag rider, THAT’S what’s gonna put you on my shit list. Not dumb shit like steroids.