The NY Times’ Randy Cohen Is Literally the Worst Human Being on the Fucking Planet

THE rule-breaking cyclist that people decry: that’s me. I routinely run red lights, and so do you. I flout the law when I’m on my bike; you do it when you are on foot, at least if you are like most New Yorkers. My behavior vexes pedestrians, drivers and even some of my fellow cyclists. Similar conduct has stuck cyclists with tickets and court-ordered biking education classes.

But although it is illegal, I believe it is ethical. I’m not so sure about your blithely ambling into the intersection against the light while texting and listening to your iPod and sipping a martini. More or less.

I roll through a red light if and only if no pedestrian is in the crosswalk and no car is in the intersection — that is, if it will not endanger myself or anybody else. To put it another way, I treat red lights and stop signs as if they were yield signs. A fundamental concern of ethics is the effect of our actions on others. My actions harm no one. This moral reasoning may not sway the police officer writing me a ticket, but it would pass the test of Kant’s categorical imperative: I think all cyclists could — and should — ride like me. [NY Times]

I’m not even going to say “typical bicyclist” here, because this is typical New York Times. Set up a ridiculous false argument that nobody is making, and use it to justify your idiotic, hypocritical behavior.

“Gosh,” says Randy. “I just don’t understand why people are complaining about me sailing through red lights when there are no cars around.” HEY DIPSHIT. IT’S WHEN YOU SAIL THROUGH RED LIGHTS WHEN THERE ARE CARS THAT PEOPLE ARE BITCHING. And don’t fucking tell me you don’t, you liar. I love (LOVE) the “yeah well you people on foot aren’t perfect either” argument. I guarantee you that while Randy is chilling here explaining to us that his illegal behavior is perfectly fine, he’s also yelling “share the road, asshole” at people driving their cars entirely within the law because they didn’t leave him 8 feet of room on the side of the road.

Just so typical. “I know what I’m doing is wrong, but if you think about it, it’s really not wrong.” One of these days, Randy is going to treat the wrong stoplight like a yield sign and get plugged by a fucking 18 wheeler, and it’s going to be his OWN goddamn fault. In fact, I almost hope someone ELSE gets nailed by a car and blames it on his advice. If HE gets hit, I guarantee he’ll find some twisted justification for why it’s the driver’s fault (“I know he had a green light, but drivers need to be alert and prepared to react to anything, so this really isn’t my fault”).

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About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
This entry was posted in Stupidity and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The NY Times’ Randy Cohen Is Literally the Worst Human Being on the Fucking Planet

  1. Ihatepartisanidiots says:

    So true, Randy Cohen is an idiot. Just get a load of the other crap he’s written and you’ll get the impression that he’s never lived in reality for even one day in his life. It’s like reading the opinions of a ten year old child, presented as absolute facts, but without the innocence.

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