[Coconuts Hong Kong] A woman has been left shaken and scarred after being sliced by the string of a “stunt kite” in Tai Po this weekend.

The incident reportedly occurred at around 6pm on Saturday, near Plover Cove Main Dam. Speaking to Oriental Daily, the woman, surnamed Lam, recalls cycling towards Tai Mei Tuk with her front and rear bicycle lights on. She said she clearly remembers seeing a white-shirted man, accompanied another man and a child, flying a huge kite which then fell and struck her off her bicycle. 

After Lam had fallen from the accident, the man in the white shirt apparently rushed to pull her up and said “Could you not report this to the police? I will pay for your medical fees”, but after seeing she was woozy from shock, he said “I wasn’t the person flying the kite, that man already left. I’m just here to help you report this to the police”.

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The scar on this lady’s neck looks pretty nasty and I can’t imagine it would be much fun to get clotheslined out of nowhere. But regardless of the circumstances, don’t you kind of have to give up on life once you lose a fight to a fucking KITE? You know, kites. Those things that little kids fly until they’re old enough to realize that standing in one place while a stupid piece of plastic with some colorful flaps on it flies around in the air for five seconds before crashing down to earth isn’t actually fun.

How the fuck did kites ever become a thing, anyway? I guess I can understand them a century or two ago, when watching some colors flap around in the sky was probably a welcome distraction from watching your family slowly starve to death in the Dust Bowl. Plus Ben Franklin had to get that key up in the sky somehow (thanks for that one B, without you we wouldn’t have computers and therefore internet porn). But now? I don’t get it. Kites should have died out the second television became a thing. Who has time to run to the park and fly a kite when there are so many yet-unwatched shows on Netflix? I just don’t understand.

Anyway, that’s all to say that the only people who still fly kites are these dipshit hipsters with their dipshit “stunt kites” running around and ruining everyone’s day in the park. And you can’t get taken down by one of them. You just can’t. It’s more than embarrassing, it’s downright dehumanizing. Getting beat up by a kite is just about the most humiliating thing I can even think of, so it makes complete sense that it would happen to a bicyclist. They attract shame like moths to a flame.