Apparently A Bunch Of Science Bitches Are Building “Smart Bikes” That Yell At Bicyclists, Because That’s Gonna Go Over Well

smartbike

[Boston Business Journal] A group of mechanical engineering students at Northeastern University are working on new technology for bicycles that aims to decrease fatalities among cyclists in urban cities.

The project is called the Inter­ac­tive Bicy­clist Acci­dent Pre­ven­tion System — and informally known as the “smart bike.” The technology uses sensors that detect the distance of a bicycle to cars on the street.

“Based on that, we collect the relative velocity of the two and we can predict whether an accident is going to happen,” said Amir Farjadian, a Ph.D. candidate studying bio-engineering.

If the sensors detect a potential accident, the bike will alert the cyclist about the danger through a built-in speaker.

Well this is just about the dumbest technological advancement I’ve ever heard of, and I’m a guy who prides himself on learning about and acquiring every dumb technological advancement out there. Seriously, what was the thought process here? “You know what bicyclists like? People yelling at them and telling them what to do!”

I mean the only possible explanation here is that the people designing this bike have never actually met a bicyclist. Having a bike that yells at bicyclists to stop when they’re about to get into an accident isn’t going to solve anything. You won’t see the tiniest downturn in bicycle accidents. What you WILL see is a huge uptick in bicyclists yelling very loudly at their own bicycle moments before slamming into the back of a car. Which, I mean, I guess there are worse things.

PS. You want a million dollar idea for a smart bike? Make a bike that detects when the light is red and automatically applies the brakes. And have the government make them mandatory. Problem solved! Oh, what’s that you say? But if you do that people won’t ride bikes anymore? Oh no!

(image source)

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About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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