Portland’s ‘Hipster Bandit’ Flees Crime Scene on a Bike Because Of Course He Does

hipsterbike

PORTLAND — A man police dubbed the “Hipster Bandit” was arrested in connection with five bank robberies after police found him riding a bicycle away from a Northeast Portland bank that had just been robbed.

Police were called last Friday to the report of a robbery inside the Consolidated Community Credit Union at 2021 Northeast Sandy Boulevard, according to Portland Police Sgt. Pete Simpson. Officers on the way to the scene saw a man matching the suspect’s description riding a bicycle away from the area.

They caught up with the man, 40-year-old Harvie Dale Oglesby III, and found evidence from the bank robbery. He was taken into custody and jailed on pending federal bank robbery charges. [KGW Portland]

First things first, how does Portland fucking Oregon dub a guy the “Hipster Bandit?” Like what were the police hoping to gain here? “Yeah this robber guy looks like a hipster, give us a call if you see anyone matching that description.” Have they ever actually walked around Portland? How many fucking hipsters did they arrest before they found the right one?

And hey man, I totally get why some hipster douchebag would need to rob banks. I mean how else are you gonna afford your $16,000 carbon-fiber bikes? On a Starbucks barista’s salary? No fucking way. So I get it dude. Rob away. But just as a protip here, if you are gonna rob banks, you should probably get a faster getaway vehicle than your bike.

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About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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