UPPER EAST SIDE — The turf war between pedestrians and cyclists continues in Central Park, as critics of wayward bikers demanded the Department of Transportation install bike-specific stoplights along the cycling path.

At a recent Community Board 8 Transportation Committee meeting, several concerned Upper East Siders said they want the DOT to add bike logos onto traffic lights so that cyclists know the signals apply to them.

They said cyclists regularly flout laws, endangering pedestrians along the Central Park loop where bikes come flying through red lights.

“There were four bicycles that went through the intersection,” said Elizabeth Ashby, a  CB8 Landmarks Committee member.

“Until they get people for stopping at red lights, you could go out there on a cold night and you’d freeze to death before a bicycle would stop at a traffic light.” [DNAInfo]

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First off, I don’t know who Elizabeth Ashby is, but I want to marry her. I mean I don’t think I could have come up with a better description of bicyclist dickbaggery myself. She’s got a poetic penchant for description and she clearly hates bicyclists just as much as I do. She is a hero.

But seriously I love how bicyclists are pretending like they’re going to listen to these ‘bike specific’ lights either. News flash bro: bicyclists just don’t even fucking LOOK at stoplights. It’s not like they’re looking up and acknowledging the stoplight and consciously deciding to ignore it. They just straight up don’t think stoplights apply to them, so they don’t even register. No bicyclist in America is going to look up at the stoplight, see a red bike, and go WHOA HEY I BETTER STOP THANK GOD THAT LIGHT WAS THERE.

How are the bike lights going to be any different? They’re going to turn red yellow and green at the same time as the regular lights, just with a picture of a bicycle in them. If you’re so fucking stupid that you need a picture book to tell you when to stop and go, you probably shouldn’t be on the goddamn road.