Q. Honker: What are the traffic laws regarding bicyclists? Traveling along Santiago Canyon Road, I see bikes going through red lights, crisscrossing traffic lanes, running stop signs. Aren’t they under the same laws as motor vehicles? Does it matter if they are in the bike lane?

– Paul Andrews, Orange

A. Seems like there is a different law for every bicyclist out there in the world, eh Paul?

There isn’t.

The California Vehicle Code requires that bicyclists follow traffic laws. [Orange County Register]

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So Mr. Advice Columnist here is right obviously, bicyclists are supposed to be obeying the traffic laws just like everybody else. What kills me is that this had to be asked in the first place. I mean I get it. When literally every single member of a group does illegal shit on a regular basis, you start to assume that they must know something you don’t. The must have their own set of rules. Nope. Literally every single bicyclist is just a lawbreaking douchebag. Every single one.

I especially love the headline of this article: “Bicyclists should not run reds.” Like it’s some big revelation. BREAKING NEWS: you can’t run red lights. Literally the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen that someone needed to say this.

PS. I love that this guy’s first instinct was to write to his newspaper advice column. Bro it’s 2012. I didn’t even know advice columns were still a thing.