Bicyclist Hunts Down Dude Who Stole His $2,500 Bike…Hang On, Did You Say $2,500 Bike?

SEATTLE (AP) — Jake Gillum loves his bike. So when it got stolen in Portland, Ore., while he was on a date, he was determined to get it back.

The quest seemed hopeless, but a week of poring over online postings for his 2009 carbon fiber Fuji paid off when he spotted the road bike offered for sale in Seattle. That sparked an elaborate interstate sting operation last weekend in which Gillum not only got his bicycle back but used it to chase down the suspect before police arrested him.

Gillum documented it all on YouTube under the username Simon Jackson.

“This is why you don’t steal from bicyclists!” Gillum shouts as he trails the suspect while recording with his phone. “Because we care about our rides! Because I will go 160 miles to get my $2,500 bike back! You are going to jail!”

In an interview Thursday, the 28-year-old added, “Best feeling in the world, seeing that guy get locked in the police car.”

Listen I’m not gonna sit here and endorse stealing from bicyclists, but when you spend $2,500 on a bicycle you pretty much deserve to have it stolen, right? I mean my first car cost less than that. Like a LOT less than that. I’m just trying to imagine the level of delusion that bicyclists sink to when they convince themselves that they need to drop two grand on a bike because it’s “carbon fiber.” Bro unless you’re buying a hovercraft you can probably just get it on the cheap. Get back to me when you win the Tour de France.

Also, “You are going to jail”? Seriously? That’s the best you can fucking do? You just traveled 160 miles to chase down some random asshole who you were hunting for WEEKS and you didn’t spend ANY of that time thinking up good taunts? This is just sad, dude. I like a good revenge story. I like a good justice story. But I just can’t get behind you when the best retort you can muster is “DURRR YOU’RE GOIN TER JAIL.” Fucking pathetic.

PS. Just look at that fucking picture. That is the very picture of a man who would buy a $2,500 carbon fiber bike.

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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3 Responses to Bicyclist Hunts Down Dude Who Stole His $2,500 Bike…Hang On, Did You Say $2,500 Bike?

  1. Mark99 says:

    Love the site – Keep ’em coming!!

  2. Pete says:

    Ha, this site is garbage! So, anyone who owns anything expensive deserves to have it stolen from them?! What a joke!

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