Genius Bicyclist Shocked to Discover that Coffee Is Hot

A cyclist was drinking coffee, became startled because it was “too hot” and crashed in Brisbane’s inner city yesterday.

This incident has been highlighted by police as an “example of reckless behaviour that could have had a much worse outcome had the rider fallen into the path of a vehicle or struck an object”. [Sydney Morning Herald]

I feel like all of the “hurrrrr hot coffee is hot durrrrr” jokes were used up in 1994 when that waste of life woman sued McDonalds after she spilled her coffee, but I’m gonna go ahead and try anyway. I’m kind of forced to ask the same question I was asking when the woman was drinking a beer on her bike: how was he doing this? Was he one-handing it? Even that is tough, man. I can’t even walk on my own two feet and drink coffee at the same time. I know I’m going to take a misstep and pour a gallon of scalding hot coffee down my throat. And that’s pretty much why I don’t walk and drink coffee at the same time.

This pretty much shows you what flaming hypocrites bicyclists are though. They’ll bitch and moan about distracted drivers texting or talking on the phone instead of paying full attention to the road, but they’re just sitting back and drinking coffee on their bikes. You can’t tell me their full attention is on the road while they’re trying not to pour hot coffee all over themselves.

Actually maybe I’m wrong. This guy was surprised that the hot coffee was hot. Maybe they seriously don’t understand what hot means. Wouldn’t put it past them. Idiots.

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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