MANCHESTER — Alone and walking to her car late at night, Ashley Stathopoulos was terrified when a man on a bicycle grabbed her purse and pedaled away.

She also was quite angry.

“I wasn’t letting him get away. He only looked back at me once. I don’t think he expected me to make such a scene,” said Stathopoulos, who chased the bicyclist for a couple of blocks down Elm Street while screaming for help around 1:45 a.m. Saturday. Stathopoulos made enough of a racket to get the attention of an officer on patrol, who pulled up in a police cruiser and listened as Stathopoulos explained what happened. The officer put out the call and police took over the chase from Stathopoulos, who said she chased the bicyclist for two blocks wearing sandals. 

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Oh man, you guys. You guys. This is just the BEST. I mean it’s totally typical bicyclist behavior, just grabbing a purse and pedaling off. We already know that all bicyclists are criminals in some form or another, so this story isn’t even particularly noteworthy on its own. But a guy on a bike can’t even outrun some woman chasing him in sandals? That’s the stuff legends are made of.

I mean let’s be clear here: this happened in Manchester, New Hampshire. I grew up in New Hampshire. There are like, two roads in the entire state. She chased him for two blocks? How did he not zig and zag and disappear into the trees? Manchester, NH is basically like that giant tree village in Star Wars where the Ewoks live (NOTE: may not actually be true). It is straight-up mystifying to me how a bicyclist could possibly fail to lose his pursuer there.

Just goes to show you I guess: every single bicyclist is a complete idiot.