THE EARTH ITSELF Now Opening Up to Swallow Bicyclists

TOLEDO, Ohio – A bicyclist is recovering after riding through a hole Tuesday night. It happened along Holland-Sylvania just south of Airport Highway.

We’re told there was a small water main break, and cones were placed at the scene, blocking the original hole. When the woman rode over the area, it caused the ground to collapse.

Her bike sunk into the hole, and the woman flipped off head first.

She was taken to the hospital to be treated for bruises and cuts on her face.

Now listen I’m glad this woman wasn’t seriously hurt, but let’s just step back and appreciate the fact that it’s not just people who hate bicyclists. It’s not just animals and nature. It’s the EARTH ITSELF. I mean seriously I’ve walked down a lot of sidewalks. I’ve driven down a lot of streets. And the Earth has absolutely never opened its gaping maw to swallow me whole. Petty sure I’d remember.

Just goes to show that movie The Happening was totally right. The Earth protects itself.

About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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