I’ve Never Hated Anyone As Much As I Hate This Hipster Bicyclist Who Rides Around With His Fucking Cat On His Shoulder

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[AP] For bicyclist Rudi Saldia, you could say a cat is his co-pilot.

Saldia often buzzes around Philadelphia with his year-old feline Mary Jane perched on his shoulder. Their urban adventures have turned heads on the street and garnered big hits on YouTube.

The 26-year-old bike courier didn’t intend to become Internet-famous. He originally shot footage of the outings only to prove to his mom that he was taking Mary Jane — nicknamed MJ — for a spin.

“She said, ‘No way! You’re not taking your cat out for the ride,’ which is the reaction I still get even after people see this video,” Saldia said.

HA HA HA HA HA. OH LOOK AT YOU. SO COUNTERCULTURE. SO UNIQUE AND QUIRKY. Seriously can we just award this asshole his gold medal at the Hipster Olympics so he can go away already?

Let’s just roll down the douchebag checklist:

1. Ridiculous mustache? Check.

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2. Ridiculous hairstyle? Check.

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3. Hipster t-shirt collection? Check.

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4. Kissy face with his fucking cat while riding a bike? Double check.

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And of course the obvious number 5 which is that HE WORKS AS FUCKING BICYCLE COURIER. I’m honestly not sure there’s a worse job in America. Like that’s six different types of obsolete. I can’t even believe that ANY type of courier is still a thing in a time where we have EMAIL. But more importantly, even if you are going to hire a courier, presumably to handle sensitive documents or something, you’re going to hire some asshole on a BIKE? Honestly anyone who hires a bicycle courier at this point 100% deserves to have whatever is being delivered stolen from them.

PS. As much as it hurts me, I do have to give this guy a little bit of credit. I mean I was ready to hate this guy more than anybody on the planet earth, but then I saw this:

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Credit where credit is due. The dude rides in the bike lane. As long as you ride in the bike lane and don’t block traffic you can ride around with FIFTY cats on you for all I care.

Follow me on Twitter at @Falco_DC

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About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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