Chicago Tribune Wants to Balance the Budget and Crush Bicyclists at the Same Time

They range from blithely running through red lights and stop signs to passing on our right just as we are about to turn. And if we ever yell out a complaint about their poor understanding of the rules of the road, we almost always get that sickeningly smug grin that implies that pedal power trumps a gas guzzler every time, no matter what a bike rider does.

In my experience talking with Chicago bike riders, I get the sense that most believe that our traffic laws do not apply to them. Nothing could be less true and, in fact, the part of the Chicago Municipal Code related to riding bicycles is more than 4,000 words long.

This is my favorite portion of the code, and it is a rule that, if vigorously enforced, would give Chicago an enormous budget surplus: [Chicago Tribune]

Hey hey hey, Chicago gets it! Fuck cigarette taxes! Balance the budget on the backs of the bicyclists! And seriously, if you asked me if I’d rather be in a tiny room with 50 people smoking cigarettes or a wide open road with 50 bicyclists, give me the lung cancer 100 times out of 100.

Isn’t the whole country massively in debt? Someone get this columnist to the White House, STAT. We could kill two birds with one stone here.

PS. My favorite part is the writer’s byline: “Chicago writer John D. Thomas is currently finishing a book on the cultural history of saliva.” Like this guy literally couldn’t be more interested in SPIT, but bicyclists make him sick.

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About Falco

I hate bicyclists. My only regret is that I can't grow a beard.
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